There's an old saying that the best laid plans are always broken. I think this saying is somehow related to Murphy's Law. Anyway that's exactly what happened this morning, I had in my mind the perfect plan for the baby's birth, laid out what to take, how to inform my friends and family. It was perfect!
It also didn't work out.
About 6:30AM in the morning my wife woke me up saying that she was having very heavy cramps and she felt like she needs to take a dump. OK, that's a clear sign of a contraction. So I tell her ok, let's see how far apart are your contractions cause we don't want it to be a false alarm and waste a trip going down to the hospital. 10 mins later she had another contraction which looked pretty strong to me. That was the point where I told myself "Oh Crap, not only is it go time, it's better bloody go now or she's gonna give birth in the house time!"
As we were on our way there, the wife's mood shift between cranky and pleasant every 5 minutes. During one of the pleasant stages I asked her, did you feel anything before this? She told me she felt some pain around 3AM but thought it was just the typical pregnancy pains, even though it felt diffrent than usual. She slept through most of the contractions.
We got to the hospital about 7:30AM and after the registration the nurse brought us to a kind of waiting room where the wife was asked to change into a robe, she did that in between contractions. After lying on the bed for a while she let out a blood clurling scream as another contraction came, I'm pretty sure she scared the shit out of the other woman who was in the neighbouring bed. (She also thought she was gonna deliver, but it was a false alarm for her.) The nurse told my wife to clam down, take deep breaths cause this is just the start it's gonna get worse later (that's because my wife told her the contractions only started at 6:30AM, and she thought my wife was just having the initial mild contractions. But.. of course my wife already slept through those) My wife
asked demanded an Epidural for the pain, the nurse said that only the doctor can administer it.
The doctor came in about 8AM and when my wife asked for the Epidural the doctor denied it to her. She was stunned. Why was she denied an epi? Because by that time she was already 7CM dilated and she was VERY close to delivery so he can't give her an epidural now or risk her not knowing when to push. The doctor gave her a jab of something else which I can't remember, the name starts with a P. That seemed to help her, it also seem to put her to sleep as she seemed to drift off everytime she closes her eyes. She wasn't screaming bloody murder anymore though and I was just glad I didn't have to cover her mouth with my hand anymore. :P
They wheeled her into a room about 8:15AM, I took a scan of the room. Pretty well equipped, there was a movable rack full of equipment and supplies needed during the birth. Stir ups for achieving that all important leg up position during a birth.
A unit that was labeled "Baby Intensive Care Unit"
which just gave me the shivers looking at the name. A cradle to hold the baby and many more. Then they opened up a cabinet and in it were outlets for O2, Vacum and.. NOX (Or laughing gas, yes it's also used as nitro in cars... but it's also a mild tranqulizer).
They connected a face mask to the NOS outlet and told my wife to breath from it whenever she felt pain, my wife declined cause she heard that gas would make someone nauseas. I was just intrigued at how the contrapion should work, there were no buttons on the mask, no valves to open, nothing. How do you get the NOX to flow? Only one way to find out, the next contraction my wife got I cupped the mask over her face as she took a breath I heard the NOX flow through the pipes. Aaaa... a pressure sensitive switch. (Yes I'm a bastard... but it's in the name of science!)
About 8:30AM after tying my wife's legs on the stirups and assuming the birthing position the doctor announced that he was going to burst the bag and we should just begin the process now. I looked at the thick blood colored fluid already dripping out of my wife You mean the bag hasn't burst yet? Nope, answered the doctor as he put a little blue rod like thing into my wife then when he removed it some more liquid flowed out, this time slightly brown in color, definetly anemoic fluid this time... But why is it brown? "Seems like the baby has passed motion inside already." (For those who don't know the anemoic fluid surrounding the baby? Yes it's contains special nutrients and stuff, but where do you think the junk goes when the baby needs to take a dump?) Oh wow, not only was my son swimming in his own piss, he was also playing with his own fecal matter... interesting..
It would take about 40 mins for my wife to give birth to my son, it didn't help that the painkillers worked so well on her that now when she really needed to feel the contractions and push with them. She couldn't really feel the contractions very well anymore. Throughout the usual birthing classes and other information spread around they always tell you that delivering a baby is like passing hard stool, what they fail to tell you is that the hard stool has a diameter of about 40CM and 50CM in length. Once during the process my wife couldn't keep up with the pushing and let go, I saw the baby's head which was just touching the exit get sucked back into the womb, definetly not like passing hard stool.
Finally with one big push, my son's head literally popped out of my wife. the doctor held the baby and slowly slid the rest of the baby out, the rest of the anemoic fluid mixture followed him out. Then the doctor did something I wasn't expecting, "Hang on to this while I cut the cord" he said as he passed me my newly born baby boy, and I do mean NEWLY born baby boy, still pretty covered in blood and other bodily fluids. Well.. it's not toxic! At this point my baby looked purple, which got me worried.
Then they put the baby on the intensive care unit I mentioned previously and another doctor came into the room and started treating my baby son. Then I see what the station was for, there was a vaccum tube for gently sucking out any remaining fluids that were in the baby's air pipes. A heating lamp for skin heating (according to the label), miniature oxygen mask to give the baby some extra oxygen, and a blanket to wipe off the excess grime from the baby. After a while I could see that my baby turned a normal shade of red.
I turned my attention back to my wife, the doctor was pulling out the umbilical cord, and on the other end.. the placenta. Now I understand why some husbands do not want to be there when their children were born. It's one thing seeing your baby child covered in blood and other stuff. It's another thing seeing this.. err... organ.. covered with veins and blood, pulled out of your wife and dumped into a collection plate. I soooo wanted to take a picture of that, but I knew my wife would just break the restraints, get up from bed and smack me in the head if I did that.
So, that's my story for this morning. 2.5 hours from point of notification, about 40 mins labour to deliver the baby. Which according to general consensus, is pretty quick. The nurse later told my wife that the situation was a bit close, if my wife delayed going to the hospital any longer she really would have delivered at home! :P